Love and Pain

Hold me

I'm letting go

I'm shutting down

I'm giving up

My heart for a stone

The fear of loss

The hardwired

Mixture of love and pain

Deep in my brain

Sends me running

Running away

Hold me

I'm fading

Love

Opens me up

It feels too raw

Too exposed

Love

I'm not feeling you

For when I do

I feel all the pain

All the wreckage

All the nights

Alone

All the times I called your name

And no one came

Love

You monster

You tease me

You make me believe I can't trust

I was taught love

Looked like absence. 

So when I start to feel

Something deep

Something real

Something so intimate

It consumes my heart

In shades of adoration

And absolute affection

I start to feel the familiar fear

Tagging along

And I shut it down

I turn off the feelings

I bury them in the ground

Hide them away

To keep them safe

From hurting me

So hold me

Don't let me go

Don't let me run away

From the pain

Hold me down

Hold me still

Hold me tight

Hold me close

Make me feel

All of it

As intense as it comes

Till I think I'm consumed

Let the pain fill my lungs

And I'm breathing the fear

In and out

In and out

Breathe it all out

Till there's nothing left inside

But the love

10/31/17