When God Is Silent

I called to you 

A thousand times 

I sought you out 

From the depths of my soul 

A yearning to connect 

To know and be known 

I wanted your love 

To feel your peace 

To hear you whisper 

Inside of me 

I sensed you near 

Your everlasting presence 

There's more to me 

I'm eternal too 

There's more to life 

Than what I can see 

There's more out there 

In the stars 

There's more 

I believed 

Until you fell silent. 

More than silent 

Just gone. 

I called to you

A thousand times more 

I sought you out from the

Depths of my soul 

I yearned for you 

I listened 

I cried 

This void inside me 

Is all I can find 

I ached in my bones 

My heart losing hope 

There is no voice 

There is no more 

Than the thoughts in my head 

The beliefs are all dead 

You're not just distant 

You're non existent 

I

Am all alone. 

There's more to me. 

I'm human too

Is there more to life? 

What if there's not? 

What if this earth 

Is all we've got,

Wouldn't that change 

You too? 

Yet instead of despair 

I'm immersed in deep love 

This earth is my home 

And I'm thankful. 

This life is mine 

And I'm honoring it 

My purpose is clear 

And meaningful 

The experience I can claim: 

Human love and connection

As the greatest, 
Most beautiful 

Metamorphose

Contorted light 

Fragmented, displayed 

Dancing specks in rainbow array 

They glimmer for me as I close my eyes 

My prism mind dancing along

All thoughts split apart, forced into pieces 

Shining, but incoherent 

Dive inside 

Look through the glass 

Bring all the scattered pieces back 

Into the source of shattered light 

Into my subconscious mind, to heal from

Anger, fear, and pain 

Refracting my thoughts

Implicit tune

Hidden, obscure 

Enshrouded in a messy form 

It sings to me a formidable song 

My complex heart beating along

Rhythmically as adrenaline rushes 

Pulses through my veins

Melody pure 

Sing to me 

Free my heart from intervals 

Dark, clashing against my happiness 

Untangle the strains I most desire 

A vision vibrating, reverberating 

Unmistaken hope

Structured lines 

Black, white 

Parallels of hidden night 

Traced deep along my furrowed soul

All memories of time erased

The rigid pillared scars remain 

Sketched in ink, but bleeding

Allow darkness 

To be, exist 

The solid marks will soon 

Subsist, blended into shapes of gray 

Contoured lines now empty of pain

The bloodstains fading, shading
Into pastel palettes of love

Memories of you

Picking up the pieces 

Pieces broken from dreams and whispers

And memories of distance 

Lover on the wind 

Blowing through my mind 

Connecting across space and time 

I'm falling into you 

Seeing visions past 

Flashes of emotion entrap, ensnare me 

In love I can't regain 

Pain I can't contain 

My inner world left without defense 

I call out your name 

Does this place exist? 

Is it only in my heart and mind -

The place where our souls connect 

The place where our love breathes 

The burst of light between us set free 

And I'm holding you 

Will I ever see your eyes? 

Their depths exceed the universe

The stars fall short in glory 

When viewed beside you 

And remembering your kiss 

Consumes me in desperation

The desolation of a heart that misses you 

Remember when your blue 

Mixed with my yellow 

And we became the color of growth 

Of life and love and rebirth 

'Like two distant polar points 

Destined to revolve around 

The other'

You were the song I longed to sing 

I was your lady of the breeze 

And every day when quietness 

Wraps around me 

And no one is there to sit beside me 

Your eyes, your heart, your mind 

Your memory 

Bubbles up inside me 

And I'm overwhelmed, overcome 

By all we were and 

How I loved and now you're gone 

And that I lost someone
My love 

The Diadem

I fell face first
Into a hole
My whole world turning
Churning
Inside out
Darkness dominating
Smoothering stifling
Every inch
Of light

Inside this cave of
Blackened bleakness
I feel my way forward
Stumbling slowly
Searching for something
My hands keep moving
Making their way through moss
And dirt
And grime

Until at last
Under this mountain
Digging deeper
My fingers, dirty
Scraping at the pieces
Covering encasing
A perfect diadem
So bright

How could I have known?
Here, hidden
Deep within the darkest
Mirror of my soul
The depths of pain and sorrow
The abyss of brokenness
Would hold
My greatest treasure
My victorious future
Forged in furious
Pressure
Now pressed between my
Bleeding hands
My bleeding beating heart
Echoing in my head
This is what I hold
Inside

Dreams

Rarely in my waking thoughts

You somehow show up in my dreams

Consistently I see you

While I sleep

Your presence there

A sign?

A signal from my inner mind 

To dive deep within myself

What do you represent?

A piece of me left unresolved

A hidden meaning

I cannot make out

As beautiful as my life is

What is this longing for you?

The pain still there

Yet softened, subdued

Dive into the depths of me

Until your reach my innermost heart

Split it open, for there inside

My love for you- alive

But what can it do?

Sometimes retreating further back

Sometimes escaping, bubbling up

To the surface, unexpected

Most times, it sits

And waits

Though unsure

What it's waiting for

It feeds on memories

Old and faded

Broken pieces

Of the past

Knowing full well

These memories are not

Reflecting reality

The present- here and now

So yet I dream

For dreams are safe

We speak, but then we separate

Perhaps I see you, far away

But never can I reach you

Life Giver

The labyrinth of birth

A journey into deepest fears

And deepest resources 

Tapping into all the wisdom

Of past lives and experiences

All the mothers who've birthed

Before me

They knew it too 

The truth about what it means

To be woman

What it means

To give breath to another being

To give blood

To give life

Encased in my body

Is strength

And power

I am life giver

I am water, air, earth, and fire 

I am past, present, future
I am mother